Mothering My Way
Candice Katherine Febrile, Founder of Single Mom Mindset
I’m able to look back at the childhood version of myself with fresh eyes. Becoming a mother is so many things but one thing it isn’t is “exactly as I planned”. Although I wasn’t necessarily certain that I’d one day become a mother, I always had a mothering spirit. Whether it was an animal that needed help, a kid without a friend, or contributing to raising someone else’s grown son, I was always helping someone.
Growing up, my parents were incredibly busy with their careers, so my brother and I spent most of our time together. If he was busy with extra-curriculars, I was on my own. I longed for a bigger family, and for parents that had more time for me. In fact, my mom lost count of how many times I asked her to have another baby, or better yet, adopt a whole army of children. The idea of having a big family felt like a dream. If one sibling was annoying me, there would be other options!
When my ex-fiancé and I got pregnant with our first, I thought my family dreams were finally coming true. My own version of Full House or something. Unfortunately, our relationship couldn’t stand the ultimate test of new parenthood and we quickly ended things. Still, becoming a mother was easily my favorite new responsibility. Falling in love with my baby and the new role was much like I expected it to be: magical and messy. It was a blissful exhaustion like I’d never experienced. My daughter taught me everything I needed to know about family before she could ever speak full sentences.
Most of us are raised to believe that family is some specific number of people, with gender rules, and silly constraints. For most of my life, I believed the same! Luckily, when my engagement ended and I found myself as a single mother to a toddler, I rapidly learned that family doesn’t have to abide by said rules.
As it turns out, I found a few soulmates or Prince Charmings of my own at Fairfax Cryobank. They helped me grow my family as a single mom by choice. Being able to give my daughter a sibling, without having to find my “soulmate” was a gift like no other! Now, I still do believe in romantic love and I know there is a wonderful man out there with an enormous heart, comedic charm, an appreciation for the Real Housewives, and puts his socks directly into the laundry basket, that is excited to find me, too, but for right now, I’m soaking up every ounce of young motherhood with my beautiful family!
Now that I’ve expressed how important it is to me to have a big family, and for my children to have a sibling or two to choose from if the other is annoying them… Well, I’m beyond excited to announce that I am preparing for baby number three, using a Fairfax Cryobank donor!!
I am over the moon with gratitude that I am in a position to be able to proceed with growing my family as a single mom by choice. It’s such a dream to remember being that little girl that was begging my mom for more siblings, and now, to be able to give my kids a bigger family! We’re still in the beginning stages of having another but I will continue to share my journey on social media, and of course with the incredible team at Fairfax Cryobank, for without them, it wouldn’t be possible!
So, if you’re a woman in your thirties or forties, who has been searching for their person, but with a ticking fertility time bomb adding immense pressure to your dating game, this may be the journey for you.
There is always time to find love. You can find your special person when you least expect it, in the most beautiful way, but having a family of your own may not come as effortlessly for some of us. It can be empowering to choose to create a family of your own without the pressures, then adding your soulmate into the mix later.
Just in case you’re thinking “but what kind of man would want to date me if I already have my own kids?!” I want you to ask yourself these two questions:
- Would I write my soulmate off because he already had children?
- Is my soulmate someone that *doesn’t* accept everything I bring to the table?
And there you have it! I’m almost certain you answered “no” to both of those questions, and if not, I recommend doing some homework. Some exercises to help you come home to the most empowered version of yourself again (something I can help you with, so follow along on social media)!
If you would have told childhood me that I would actually have a big family of my own, I wouldn’t have believed you, but here I am, being a mother in my own way.
If you’re looking for more resources on becoming a single mother by choice, explore the Fairfax Cryobank SMBC resources page.
To keep up with Candice’s journey to baby number three, be sure to follow @candicekatherine (on all platforms, including YouTube)!
