The Gift I Gave Myself: Choosing to Become a Single Mom by Choice
by Candice Katherine Febrile
The holidays do something to us, don’t they? They bring out all the parts of us, the nostalgic parts, the parts that want to believe in magic again. They make us crave connection. Love. Warmth. A sense of belonging. And every year, like clockwork, we’re told that the perfect holiday is about… stuff.
The perfect gift.
The perfect tree.
The perfect matching pajamas.
The perfect aesthetic… which seems to change every single year.
But if you’re anything like me, there comes a point where the holidays stop being about the things you can put under a tree… and start being about the things your heart is actually aching for.
I remember Christmas 2020 so vividly.
Everyone around me was making gift lists and sending me screenshots of Sephora carts, fancy tech things that I don’t understand, and expensive perfumes. And there I was… sitting on my couch with my five-year-old daughter, quietly praying for one thing:
“Please let my IUI work.”
That was it.
That was my entire Christmas wish.
And on December 25th, it actually happened. My son, my little Christmas miracle, was the greatest gift I have ever given myself.
And that’s what I want to talk about today.
Because while the holidays are beautiful, they can also be lonely.
Especially if you’re a single woman who wants a baby someday. Especially if you’re tired of waiting for the right guy, the right timing, the right circumstances that never quite line up.
There’s something about this season that makes you reflect deeply on your life. You look at the families snuggled up by the fire. You watch parents rushing through malls with strollers and their 13th coffee of the day. You hear kids screaming with joy when they see Santa. And a part of you (maybe a big part of you) whispers:
I want that.
Not the presents.
Not the social media perfection.
I want family. I want connection. I want someone to love with my whole entire heart.
It took me a long time to admit that out loud.
Because for years, society, family, friends, exes, everyone, had an opinion on my timeline. Everyone had something to say about what a woman “should” do, or when she “should” do it. But none of them were the ones lying awake at night wondering if having another baby was slipping through their fingers.
And that’s where the conversation about becoming a single mom by choice becomes really powerful and really emotional.
Because choosing to become an SMBC isn’t about “giving up on love” or “settling.”
It’s the opposite.
It’s saying:
I love myself and I’m no longer waiting for someone else to choose me.
I choose ME. I choose my child. I choose my family.
And honestly? There’s no better time to reflect on that than the holidays… the season where our hearts speak the loudest.
When you think about it, the holidays aren’t about gifts.
They’re about connection.
Tradition.
Family and community.
Showing up for the people who matter most.
And if you’ve been feeling that tug… that quiet, persistent longing to start your motherhood journey, maybe that’s your soul nudging you toward the future you’re meant to have.
So many women think they want “more things”, but what we actually want is to feel alive.
More memories.
More connection.
More meaning.
More moments where you look around your home and feel overflowing gratitude because you built something real and beautiful, with or without a partner.
If you’ve been thinking about becoming an SMBC, considering donor conception, or even just exploring the idea, this might be the perfect season to finally listen to that voice.
And here’s the part that makes it even easier:
Fairfax Cryobank is offering 90 days of free access with my code SINGLEMOMMINDSET25.
That’s three months of exploring donor profiles, learning, planning, dreaming, and connecting with the possibility of your future family.
Maybe this is the year you choose differently.
Maybe this is the year you unwrap the gift of empowerment, and possibility.
Maybe this December, you give yourself something that will outlast every holiday trend, every toy, every sale:
A future filled with love.
A home filled with laughter.
A family of your very own.
Happy holidays, mama.
You deserve the world, and the family your heart has been waiting for.
If you’re considering donor sperm as part of your journey, Fairfax Cryobank is here to walk alongside you with compassionate care, expert resources, and a diverse catalogue of donors tailored to your needs.
Explore our website to view testimonials, read FAQs, and resource center to learn more or connect with our team to take the next step toward building the family you’ve dreamed of.
About the Author:
Founder of the Keep Him Movement and a leading voice in the SMBC community, Candice supports women in building family, freedom, and a joyful life on their own terms.
If you’re feeling called toward solo motherhood and want more support, you can explore her free resources:
SMBC Readiness Checklist: the step-by-step starter guide every hopeful mom should have
The Girls Chat: a private community for honest conversations, connection, and support
