Blog

How choosing donor sperm changed my life…and what it means for modern motherhood.

I didn’t grow up dreaming about becoming a single mother. But I always knew I wanted to be a mom. For a while, I thought that meant waiting for the right partner. The right timing. The right plan. But after a few too many disappointments, I realized something: I was putting my entire dream on hold… for someone who might never show up.

And once I saw that, I couldn’t unsee it. So I started asking a new question: What if I could build the life I wanted, right now, without waiting? That question led me to donor conception. And what I thought would be a “backup plan” turned out to be the most wildly empowering, healing, and aligned decision I’ve ever made. Because here’s the truth that nobody talks about enough:

Choosing to become a mother on your own is not a consolation prize. It’s power. It’s agency. It’s freedom.

We live in a world that still centers partnership as the “correct” way to create a family. So much of the messaging we grow up with tells us to wait. To compromise. To put ourselves last. To only claim motherhood once someone else gives us the green light.

But that model is outdated. And honestly? It never worked for a lot of us. When I chose to pursue solo motherhood using donor sperm, I wasn’t giving up. I was taking my power back. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to want something deeply, and to go after it without apology. And if you’re reading this wondering if it’s selfish or irresponsible or “too much”… I want you to know something.

It’s not.

You are allowed to choose motherhood on your own terms. You are allowed to say yes to the life that’s calling you, even if it looks different than what you imagined. Becoming a single mom by choice taught me that there is no one “right” way to become a parent. There is only your way. And choosing donor conception is not just a medical decision. It’s an emotional, spiritual, and deeply courageous one.

It’s a choice rooted in love, intention, and strength. And let’s be honest…it’s not easy. The logistics, the appointments, the finances, the mindset work… it requires clarity. It requires support. And it requires believing that your desire is enough. But on the other side of that leap is a life you get to co-create, not one you settle for.

I look at my kids now and think: thank God I didn’t wait. Thank God I didn’t listen to the fear or the judgment or the noise. Thank God I trusted myself. Because this? This is the most fulfilling, expansive, deeply joyful version of motherhood I could have ever imagined. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. If you’re at the beginning of this journey (or even just quietly thinking about it) know this:

You are not alone.
You are not behind.
And you are not crazy for wanting this.

You’re allowed to rewrite the rules. You’re allowed to choose your own timing. You’re allowed to become a mom without waiting for someone else to give you permission. Motherhood through donor conception is not just possible. It’s powerful. And it might just be the beginning of the most beautiful chapter of your life.

Ready to find your donor? If you’re looking for additional support, check out the Fairfax Cryobank resources page and you can also find more SMBC resources available on my instagram: @candicekatherine.