Choosing to Have My Second Child Using a Donor
By Candice Katherine Febrile, Founder of Single Mom Mindset
Becoming a single mom by choice isn’t for the faint of heart, but then again, neither is life. Whether you’re diving into career goals, booking a lux trip to Bali (I’m freshly into my 2025 vision board), or deciding to build a family on your own terms, there’s magic in grabbing life by the… horns. For me, the decision to become a single mom by choice wasn’t just about having a baby, it was about building a life that felt unapologetically, authentically mine.
Let’s rewind for a sec. Nine years ago, I found myself at a crossroads after an awful separation. I was rebuilding my life, working on myself, and asking the big questions: “What do I really want?” and “What’s stopping me from going for it?” Spoiler alert: the answer to that second question was me. Somewhere between overthinking and society’s expectations, I realized I was waiting for permission to live the life I truly wanted. So, I decided to stop waiting and just go for it.
Choosing to have my second child using a donor was one of the most empowering decisions I’ve ever made. I won’t lie, it was a rollercoaster of emotions. There were late-night Google rabbit holes, overwhelming moments with paperwork, and days when I wondered if I was absolutely nuts for doing this. But you know what? Every single step brought me closer to the life I’d been dreaming of. And now, as I watch my two amazing kids grow up (one from my earlier chapter and one from my deliberate choice), I can’t help but feel immense gratitude for having taken the leap.
Here’s the thing about becoming a single mom by choice: there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Maybe you’re the type to map out every detail with spreadsheets and color-coded calendars (honestly, my ADHD brain could never)! Or maybe you’re more of a “leap and trust the net will appear” kind of gal. Both approaches are valid, and both require bravery. Because bravery isn’t about being fearless; it’s about feeling the fear and moving forward anyway.
There will be moments when you’ll second-guess yourself. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have days when I’d stare at my coffee cup at 5 a.m. and think, “How the heck will I get through this day?” But those moments pass, and what’s left is a deep sense of pride and fulfillment. There’s nothing quite like creating the life you’ve dreamed of and knowing you did it on your own terms.
If you’re considering taking this path, let me tell you: you’ve got what it takes. Whether you take life by the horns or ease into it with a gentle nudge, the key is staying true to yourself. Your journey won’t look like mine, and it shouldn’t. That’s the beauty of building a life you love. It’s uniquely yours.
There’s a reason we’re seeing a rise in independent women that are no longer waiting around for someone to rescue them! You’re not alone in this.
So, what’s stopping you? You don’t need permission to live boldly. If becoming a single mom by choice is on your heart, trust yourself. Take that first step. Life’s waiting, and it’s a whole lot more fun when you’re steering the ship independently.
