My Little Valentines

February 14, 2024

By: Candice Katherine Febrile, founder of Single Mom Mindset & Empowered Woman

‘Tis officially the month of L.O.V.E.. The time of year where you’re bombarded with how “in love” everyone is, and if you’re single, you’re meant to feel like you’re missing out on something special. It is the human condition to require love after all…

I’ve never been one to fall for Hallmark holidays. Even when I was head-over-heels for my high school boyfriend, I didn’t succumb to the Valentine’s Day rules. I thought it was silly to designate a single day to show our love for one another. I’d find myself annoyed when other couples would show off what they’d bought each other, or all the romantic things they were doing to celebrate the day. 

Ironically, when my ex-fiancé and I were together, he’d frequently buy flowers as a way to apologize after a fight, and it drove me nuts! It seemed like just another “rule” couples needed to follow in order to be entitled to their “we’re in love” status. In the way that we feel like we must live our lives by other people’s rules in order to be accepted.

Since my separation nearly eight years ago, I’ve been celebrating the month of love with my daughter, and my son since he was born, two and a half years ago. Nothing about our lives is ruled by tradition. We don’t allow Hallmark to decide how we celebrate holidays. In fact, we’re big on homemade cards. Sorry, not sorry!

My separation was my first taste of breaking a big rule, and there was no turning back. Now, not only do I celebrate how much I love my kids every day, we also buy chocolate and stuffed animals whenever we feel like it. Along with teaching them that we can express our love and appreciation for the people around us in a multitude of different ways, but we also chat endlessly about the importance of being madly, deeply, wildly in love with yourself.

When I chose to walk away from my engagement, I was terrified that I was going to hurt my daughter. You know the rule about staying together for the kids… I was also scared when I decided to grow my family by having another baby on my own, using donor sperm. Funnily enough, the two scariest things in my life have turned out to be the most magical, and ultimately least scary choices I could have ever made. Raising children as an independent mom is not a small undertaking, but it is the truest true love I’ve ever felt.

Solo motherhood has forced me into knowing myself, challenging myself, and a requirement to show up for all of us, as the best version of myself. A version of myself that I never knew when I was “following the rules”. 

Every Valentine’s Day, I buy my kids little baskets of goodies, which they adore! We usually have candy for breakfast, with heart shaped pancakes, my daughter makes me a coffee, and we spend the rest of the day like any other. We also have heart shaped pancakes on random Saturday mornings, and I occasionally surprise them with baskets of goodies. Like I said, we get to express our love for each other whenever we want, however we want! Being a rule breaking family is the sweetest. I 10/10 recommend!

If you’ve been considering having a baby on your own, understand that it is the most incredible choice you’ll ever make. The true love you’ve been longing for doesn’t exist on a calendar date in February, it’s a love you’ll get to experience every day. 

Happy Love Month!! Wishing you all the love from everyone around you.

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