Solo for the Holidays As an Independent Mom by Choice
By: Candice Katherine Febrile, founder of Single Mom Mindset & Empowered Woman
Let’s take a moment to absorb the fact that it’s nearly Christmas – already!? It feels like just yesterday that I was complaining about the summer heat, and I’m already dragging out the winter bins filled with itchy scarves and bulky coats. Now that we’re both itchy thinking about wool accessories, let’s jump into a topic that can make anyone squirm…
Holiday season as a single woman. The pressures depicted in any Hallmark holiday movie don’t even cut it. Some women really do go to the lengths Melissa Joan Hart’s character did in Holiday in Handcuffs. If you haven’t seen it, she snatches Mario Lopez’s character and forces him to pretend to be her boyfriend, so her parents won’t give her a hard time for being single. Now, I hope your family isn’t that extreme, but if they are, there are alternatives to unlawful confinement!
We’re so lucky to live in a time where women are as empowered as ever, and because of that we have opportunities that we didn’t always have. If you look around your Holiday table and feel like something is missing, I dare you to take some time to reflect on that. For many women, the feeling is often that we don’t have our own family, or maybe our family is smaller than we’ve always envisioned. This is where things get exciting: family doesn’t have to be a romantic partner, plus kids. Family structures are evolving. Every year, more and more women are choosing to have families of their own, without a partner. They’re deciding that they don’t want to settle – or worse, force some unexpecting guy like Mario Lopez to be their partner – and it’s incredibly empowering.
The increasing number of women making this choice proves that not only is it possible for women to become great mothers and raise families on their own, but that it may be a wonderful choice for you, too!
When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of having a big family. It was always just my brother and I, and although he’s still my best friend today, I longed for a bigger family. When my first child was one, my ex-fiance and I went our separate ways. Becoming a single mom by circumstance took some adjusting but ultimately, I knew I wanted a bigger family. When I decided to grow my little family and have another child as a single mom by choice, I felt elated. I felt all the power I had lost during my engagement, and during the first year of trying to land on my feet as a solo mom, came flooding back. It was and is among the best decisions I’ve ever made.
This will be my third Christmas as an independent mom of two, and whenever I think about the possibility of having not gone ahead with growing my family, I’m so glad I stayed true to myself and my desires. Although we’re still a small family from some people’s perspectives, I’m content with our little trio. Not to mention, our wonderful chosen family that surrounds us with love, too. My children have a sibling that they’re growing up with and making memories with and that’s precious.
Now, to add a few extra sprinkles of holiday cheer, here a few benefits of being an independent mom during the holidays:
- You have less gifts to buy because you don’t have to buy for a spouse and their family.
- You have time freedom in terms of scheduling your holidays.
- This one is a personal favourite: No mother-in-law. Period.
- You don’t have to share the holiday treats with another adult.
- You get to celebrate however your heart desires.
- Your family may stop trying to set you up with “that guy”!
Close your eyes and envision your next Holiday season. Imagine what it could be like to have a family of your own next Christmas. Your own child to build traditions with, open gifts with, sing songs with, and to eat all the yummy holiday treats with.
My gift to you: Proof that you don’t have to settle or force a relationship with the wrong person in order to have a family of your own. You have the ability to do it all on your own.